A months rent, a backpack and my pillow...
I remember the day so well. It was a beautiful June morning, gorgeous. I had to go do my pup walks, and I woke up with the desire to call my boss and tell him that I’m giving my 2 weeks notice. It was such a stressful period of time for me because I knew i had to move and I knew I had to deconstruct my ENTIRE life. I already missed one of my best friends that moved a year before, and I knew I was only going to miss my other best friends even more. But I knew I had to. I knew this was my path.
The deconstruction process was lengthly, and very painful. More painful that I realized it was going to be. Saying goodbye to your entire existence up until that point seemed daunting and now I knew why I stayed home (and comfortable) for so long.
My final weeks at work and with my pups were extremely emotional. Each day when I had my last walk with a particular pup, I had to stay and talk with them lol. Way too many tears, as any proud papa would have. After taking care of these pups for close to 6 months you feel sort of like their dad. Every time I go home now, I hope to run into one of them.
Saying goodbye to my friends at the hotel that I worked at was hard too. I’ve known them since I was 21, and have grown a lot in their company. It’s rewarding when you realize that feeling is mutual, which is what makes saying goodbye so hard. But it’s nothing bad, usually tears make us think that something is bad. It doesn’t. It means that whatever it is, it’s making us feel. Feeling is a good thing. It reminds us we’re alive.
My family was toughest of all though. And that surprised me. Because growing up you battle so much about so much that you don’t realize how much every person means to you. Each with their own place within your chest. it’s all crystallizes the moment you say goodbye. Even if for just months. You feel the place each person lives inside your heart. That’s the struggle we face I think, carving out enough space in our hearts for the people that walk into our path. It’s an exercise I’m still practicing, and will always.
I knew I’d miss my mom, I just didn’t realize how much she would miss me. My dads more stoic, but feels more than all of us. The army metal he’s grown over himself over the course of his life makes it impossible for him to act the way he feels.
Saying goodbye to my friends was interesting. We never actually say goodbye, just see you later. Who knows when - but I’ll see ya again.
That’s a life treasure that I’m only now beginning to understand.
So off I went. On July 5th 2017. With a backpack, my pillow and a months rent. That’s it. And rest, as they say, well it’s not history yet - because it’s still being written....
Right now I’m thinking because I’m traveling from home to my new home. A busier home. But a more rewarding home. Boston borned me, and loved me. New York made me.